every little bit…

I still question if I am living my most authentic life. There are elements of my life that feel exhilarating; that feel fulfilling; that feel like I am doing the thing that I always knew I would be doing.

But there are moments when I wonder if I’m playing out of someone else’s playbook. I wonder if I could commit myself wholly to yoga, to selflessness, to ecology, to compassion in all areas of my life.

I think it’s time to stop second-guessing myself. One thing that has always remained about me is my inability to perform in ways that is inauthentic to who I am and what I feel. I have always been stubbornly honest and wholly real – thus authentic.

Authentic, yes. But also wanting to belong. Before I awoke, before I understood how to think about things, how to question them, I accepted many things, many ideas, many behaviors that I understand now as unacceptable. I still wish I were different, further along, but I am on my way and for that, I should feel some comfort…

Self-acceptance is harder than it looks. But I’m working on it. As difficult as the journey is, it still feels wonderful to be alive, to question what to do with my time, to wonder if I’m living my best life. I look forward to answering my own questions.

Don’t Lose Heart, Little One

Honesty, vulnerability, and kindness are the trinity that rule my home. When you’ve got a situation where kids outnumber adults (3:1), I learned pretty quickly that the best way to get all of us to work together is to be honest, even when it hurts and always try to be kind to each other (my youngest is naturally the kindest of us all). It can be difficult when you’ve got an emotional, imaginative (see: Pisces; Cancer Ascending) middle child (who happens to be the only boy) combating with a somewhat inflexible, protective (Capricorn; Pisces Ascending) older sister. The most effective diversion tactic for an argument? Ten pushups and a 45 second hug. It only takes about 15 seconds before one or both of them to start smiling and the transgression is (mostly) forgotten. They are who they are, individually, and we’re working to find a way to coexist amongst our differences.

My first baby is tweening right now. She’s ten, so we’re barely approaching the event horizon, but the hallmarks are there. She has questions about the world, the town in which we currently reside, and people. Continue reading