#Rebuild2017

I don’t think I’ll change too drastically over the next twelve months, and from what I can tell, I am still thinking along the same lines as ever. But, I do have goals that I’m still working towards – some changes, but overall, still the same me

  • Complete all university assignments prior to due date
  • Raise CGPA to 3.5 or higher
  • IF; 16 hour fasting state, 8 hour nom window.
  • 24 hour Fast Jan 31
  • Complete a Whole30 challenge Feb 1st- Mar 4th.
  • Recommit to the lifting/cardio work out plan @ Planet Fitness beginning NLT Jan 17
  • Utilize Piyo as a back-up
  • Yoga to my heart’s content
  • Continue to learn Russian (duolingo/lingtwins)
  • Revitalize Spanish fluency

 

See… same old Tess, even if it is a new year.

I’d been on the fence about how to approach my health this year. I’ve come to accept that 2016 was a year of transition, of challenges, and I realize that because I was distressed the majority of the year, the way I handled food was more reactionary. I used food, the wrong foods, as a stress reliever instead of yoga, which I’d used previously. I’d considered forgoing healthy habits and fitness because “I have so much on my plate right now.” I have the same amount of stuff I’ve always had. I’ve always had work, school, children, and friendships – so that excuse is bullshit. I’d considered embracing my new body, and giving up the fight for health because of “body positivity.” BoPo is a GREAT movement. I encourage and applaud everyone involved and all who are cheered on by what proponents do – however, body positivity encourages a healthy relationship with food, movement, and yourself and those involved typically love and embrace their bodies. They are happy with their bodies and find ways to encourage inclusion in the mainstream. Even at my lightest, I may still be considered just left of the mainstream – but I digress. I am not positive about my body right now. I am positive about my body when I nourish it, when I move it, when I don’t fill it with garbage. I know what makes me happy, and how to treat myself when I’m happiest – whole foods, yoga, dance, and a normal exercise regiment. I gotta stop kidding myself.

And maybe, possibly, part of my habits and mindsets are part of an underlying mental wound that has never and will never fully heal. It’s not pleasant, but being a victim, whining about it, and doing nothing changes nothing. It’s up to me to take care of myself, to heal myself. I’m rebuilding in 2017. Greater than ever.

It’s up to you to do the same. Save yourself, from whatever ails you – be it food, drug, alcohol,  or unhealthy, unloving thought patterns, behaviors, and relationships. Another day spent spinning your wheels isn’t worth the pain, frustration, and despair. You don’t have to be perfect, the situation doesn’t have to be the best, and you don’t have to have all the information right this second – learn as you go, change as you go. But don’t wait. You have now. Make the most of it.

 

That Cayenne though…

As a person with a rough family health history, I gave up most meat in February of this year – for the third time in my life. I still eat fish, shrimp, and shellfish, but that probably happens less than three times per month. And while I thought that by doing so my health would improve, I did forget one kind of important thing : protein is only one component. My biggest monster lately has been sugar.

Over the past year and a half, I’ve been using food to rebel. I’ve been rebelling against a few entities who, more than once, made comments about my weight. I stopped trying to take care of myself because my efforts were going unnoticed. Omitting most meat was a noble attempt to getting this train back on the tracks, but to supplement the now missing section on my plate, I started adding more breads, more desserts, instead of the fruits,veggies, and legumes I should have been adding. That’s my fault.

I probably weigh more now than I have in three or four years – and though that isn’t nearly as much as I used to weigh, I do have to be aware of how my body feels and what I put into it. I feel heavy, my stomach hurts almost all the time, and I’m finding that I want to move less and less. I can’t keep going down this path.

My idea is to make eating simple, not complicated. Just fish, eggs, fruits, veggies, nuts, legumes, steel cut oats, and rice. Seems bland, I know, but I think there are ways to spice it up using herbs and spices. What moderate fats I use will be avocado, honey, olive oil, and coconut oil. It’s probably in line with the Mediterranean diet.

Today, or right now rather, I’m beginning again. But it’s less about what I weigh or what clothes I can wear, and more about how I feel in this body and the quality of foods I feed it. I am not only my body; I am so much more than my weight or my appearance. But my body is my home. I neither want it emaciated nor overfull; I do not want to suffer nor become unnecessarily sick. It took far too long for me to come to this realization.

Meow

Being thick is not an excuse to eat crap food.

 

I am a thick woman. I may very well always be. Even when I ran three miles a day and was a straight-up vegetarian for two years. I was still thick. It is what it is. However, being thick is not an excuse to eat crap food all the time.

I have been eating like terra-terra bad. Part of it is needing to transition well to working nights for a month. The rest of it is my legit fuckit attitude lately. So, maybe I need to stop doing that.

 

Time to up the veggie ante! I feel a soup/smoothie/juice cleanse coming on…if only to give my belly a break.

 

Huzzah!

 

Also… I’ve done well to ensure that I start taking a multivitamin, fish oil, and vitamin D every day. My SAD symptoms have been abetting. Just sayin’.

 

grumblegrumblegrumble

Tired.

 

I am really, thoroughly exhausted and I don’t want to be. I’ve drank two cups of coffee. But you know what, it might be time to bring out the big guns (pre-workout).

My eldest kid told me yesterday that she wanted to start running to get her body ready for playing soccer and basketball next year. In my family, we are not terribly athletic. I practice yoga and sometimes run – and that’s about it. No one else in my family cares two toots about health – even with obesity, diabetes, and heart disease being major players in our collective health history. So, when my kid takes an interest in sports and health, I’m all about it.

She asked me to run with her. At 6am.

I remember being ten, feeling fat and unhealthy, and asking my mom to help me. She did what she could, but she didn’t really know much about what to eat or not eat or what to do or not do. Mom always had a slim frame, so weight wasn’t an issue for her. I’ve been interested in health since then and I’ve accumulated a lot of information. Now, I’m not in tip-top, perfect health, but I can, at least, go run with my kid in the morning.

So I did. I’m just really tired now.

 

So, some things I’m trying to accomplish today:

  • This paper I don’t want to write.
  • A powerpoint based on the paper I don’t want to write.
  • Three other random assignments that I hope won’t take longer than 20 minutes each.
  • Inspection for the vehicle.
  • Random errands.

 

 

Back to homework! Right?

Maybe.